


Dizzy Spell

by fineinthemorning



Category: Tokyo Ghoul
Genre: F/F, Fluff, Misunderstandings
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-12-25
Updated: 2015-12-25
Packaged: 2018-05-07 17:29:08
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,883
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5464910
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/fineinthemorning/pseuds/fineinthemorning
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The night before exams, Touka and Yoriko hold a late night study session and, together, they take a step forward in the right direction.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Dizzy Spell

**Author's Note:**

  * For [NickyEnchilada](https://archiveofourown.org/users/NickyEnchilada/gifts).



Yoriko made green tea for herself and poured Touka a mug of hot water.   She passed the mug to her friend.

 

“Thanks for . . . letting me stay,” said Touka, who  was sitting on the floor at the small table in Yoriko’s one room apartment. She had her notes open beside her textbook and as her left index finger traced the pages, her right hand worked her mechanical pencil to complete problems in her notebook.

 

“We have exams in the morning! It’s more fun if we go together, you know?”

 

Touka took the mug and silently blessed Yoriko for never pushing anything on her once she actually did state that she did not like something, “I guess so.” It was a rare occasion that Touka would say ‘ _no_ ’ to anything Yoriko offered her, but she figured it was more important that she accepted the kindness offered through Yoriko’s efforts in preparing food rather than the small trouble of preparing something as simple as tea, so she allowed herself the one reprieve.

 

Sitting down opposite of Touka, Yoriko nursed her cup of green tea and held it with both hands to warm them, “We planned on studying past the last train anyway. And it was fun to cook with you. Well, up until you realized that you were allergic to rosemary. I’m so sorry about that!” Yoriko would never point out that people do not throw up as an allergic reaction.

 

Touka looked up to marvel at the concern in her friend’s eyes. Yoriko was always so expressive. When she was concerned for Touka, it showed so clearly on her features that it made Touka pass through a cycle of emotions every time;embarrassment, awe, happiness, guilt. “It’s okay. It’s okay. I didn’t know, either. Sorry I got sick.” The truth was that Yoriko had heard her throw up in the bathroom, and she’d  had to come up with a quick excuse amidst the suffocating cloud of guilt over being unable to enjoy her food and constantly lying to her.

 

“Don’t apologize for that! Besides, you ate my special Japanese style cheesecake, and that took way more effort than dinner.” This was mostly true. Baking anything was more challenging than cooking for Yoriko, but that actually made it a bit more fun.

 

“I’m glad I got to try it.” Touka smiled softly at her friend’s enthusiasm, more guilt surfacing at the thought of how she’d wanted to spit it up and throw the plate against the wall in disgust. She’d never do anything like that, and she knew it had nothing to do with Yoriko and everything to do with being a ghoul, but even still; lying to Yoriko daily was a weight that crippled her further with each new day. Eventually, Touka knew her guilt would overwhelm her, but somehow, seeing Yoriko smile like she did when Touka complimented her cooking made it worth it. Yoriko had a way of healing Touka’s own self-destructive guilt.

 

“Me, too.” Yoriko brought her knees to her chest and took a sip of her tea just before meeting her best-friend’s eyes and holding them, “Your opinion means a lot to me.”

 

Touka’s eyes widened at how earnest Yoriko could be. She was her opposite, beautiful and kind, patient and giving, able to be honest completely in her words and actions. Touka could be honest too, but not _here_ , and not out there, either. This world belonged to humans, and Yoriko was a part of that. Touka couldn’t be truthful in this world, and she could _never_ be honest with Yoriko, at least, not completely.

 

And that’s why moments like these were so precious, for no matter how different she was, being with Yoriko made her feel like she could live safely. She could be a normal high school student studying for exams with a friend. Her problems could be small; she threw up due to a simple allergy, not because she could only eat human meat. Yoriko offered this small normalcy, but it was only in her presence, and it was only in brief moments.

 

Seconds later, Touka would always remember; Yoriko was human and she was a ghoul.

 

Touka emitted a short laugh and rolled her eyes, “Let’s get back to work.”  It was for the best. The ghoul world was too dangerous for Yoriko anyway- for any human.

 

<><><><><><> 

 

A few hours later, Yoriko interrupted the ghoul’s thoughts with a stray one of her own, “Touka, have you ever felt happy just being with someone?”

 

“Wh-what?” She hadn’t mentally prepared for a conversation like this, but she should have known to expect the unexpected  with Yoriko, “I don’t know what you mean.” She sucked in air through her mouth. _Maybe, she’s in love with someone._ Shook her head. _So, what does that matter?_ And then released her breath. _I can support her, of course, like I should . . . as her friend. That’s what friends do._

 

“You have a crush on someone?” Touka laughed a little but was unable to hide her discomfort with things like these, “You can tell me about it.” That’s what Yoriko would say, anyway, if Touka ever came to her with the same problem- which she hadn't _ever_. Touka often considered what Yoriko would do in certain situations when she was interacting with humans. Following Yoriko’s example meant it wasn’t exactly the _human_ answer to a situation or problem, but it was the response Touka reserved for those humans worth treating with kindness.

 

“It’s hypothetical!” the brunette pointed her eraser end of her mechanical pencil, which had a little pig keychain hanging from it, in the ghoul’s direction with a pout.

 

Touka was unimpressed, “You’re doing everything you can _not_ to study right now, aren’t you?”

 

Yoriko rested her head in her hands with her elbows propped up on the table, a look of pure mischief on her face, “Hahaha, you got me! We’ve done this for two hours this evening. We studied for six hours earlier today. You know, studies show that cramming doesn’t actually help. We’ve been studying for weeks, anyway. Anything we are going to remember tomorrow morning is already up here,” and she little pig charm disappeared into her hair as she tapped her head with the eraser end of her pencil.

 

Touka deflated, “I really need to keep reviewing the vocabulary.”

 

“Okay, I’ll do that!” Yoriko was happy for the compromise, and in seconds she had closed both of their textbooks and grabbed the handmade flashcards for both Japanese language and English language vocabulary. Touka was frightfully awful with both.

 

Touka stretched out on the floor and leaned back on her hands with a lazy yawn.

 

“You know, it’s dizzying, being in the presence of the one you love.” Yoriko was trying to give Touka a subtle nudge.

 

“What? Really?” Touka had thought this conversation was over, but she would be attentive if Yoriko needed to discuss it. She bit her lip absently as she often did when she was nervous.

 

“Yeah . . . You’re around the person so often, but sometimes, you feel yourself leaning in their direction without meaning to, or you feel yourself smiling without knowing why when they’re beside you. It’s dizzying, because you don’t feel like you’re entirely in control- uhmm like you’re being hypnotized, swimming through the air, I don’t know; it’s strange but pleasant.”

 

“Wow, Yoriko.” Touka had never heard her talk about anyone like this before. _Maybe it’s serious?_ She sat up straight. _I have to be happy for her._ “So, who is it?”

 

Yoriko waved her hand in front of her face dismissively, “Ah, you don’t get it. You’re really not as self-aware as you could be, you know?”

 

“What?” Touka blinked. Where was this going?

 

Nearly defeated, Yoriko was through being subtle and gentle. “You’re like that- around _Kaneki_.”

 

“What!?” Touka was blushing instantly.

 

Yoriko felt validated. She thought so. No, she _knew_ it. Touka was in love with Kaneki. Yoriko added, her lips smiling but her eyes hollow, “You act most like yourself.” She just needed Touka to admit to it now. That’s all.

 

“I act myself around-” Touka couldn’t clear the blood beneath her skin. Where was this accusation coming from? _Kaneki? Impossible! Impossible! Not even close, she-_

 

“No, it’s different. The two of you- maybe all of Anteiku, exist in another world- one I’m not a part of.” And with each word, Yoriko’s smile was fading.

 

Touka felt the air leave her lungs suddenly, “Yoriko?” She gasped, fear gripping her heart suddenly.

 

“You should tell him. I think he feels the same way,” and she was immediately smiling again, noticing that Touka had something like terror in her eyes, “You’ve never had a boyfriend, right? I mean, as long as we’ve known each other . . . You should!”

 

“Wha-what?” Touka stared at her friend. This wasn’t just harmless teasing this time. Yoriko was convinced Touka was in love, and she just wanted what was best for her; she just wanted her to be happy. “Yo-yoriko?”

 

“It may not seem it, but I pay attention, you know?” Yoriko gave a breathy laugh and inhaled and exhaled slowly, opening her eyes to Touka to reveal the depth of her good intentions, “ _You should be happy, Touka._ ”

 

“But I don't feel that way, Yoriko. Honestly, I don’t.” Touka was still blushing as she spoke, her eyes narrowing in annoyance as she thought of Kaneki, someone she hadn’t seen in over a month, “That idiot, he’s-ugh-important- to me, but, not like _that_. I mean, I-I’ve never even thought of having a boyfriend, Yoriko. _I have you._ ”

 

Yoriko didn’t miss a beat, “Yeah, but I’m your _friend_ , Touka. Wouldn’t you be happier if you . . .” She smiled sheepishly.

 

How had this conversation come to this? “No?” Touka scrambled for words. “I meant that I-” She was never eloquent with these sorts of things- with speaking on matters of the heart. “I work a lot, and when I don’t, we study or hang out together.” Her actions spoke far more powerfully than her words did. “So, I don’t need anything else. I-I mean, I’m not lonely . . . if that’s what you were thinking or something.” Touka said the last part under her breath as her eyes tore away from Yoriko’s and studied the cartoon piglets on her empty mug.

 

“You’re not?” Yoriko’s mouth was slightly agape at Touka’s words. It was true that Touka was her best friend, but Touka, at times, had such a distant expression on her face that Yoriko was certain she was a thousand miles away. Sometimes, Touka _did_ look lonely.

 

Touka was still flustered, “How could I be?”

 

Yoriko was silent, because the question she most wanted to ask was the last one she ever would.

 

Trying to piece everything together, Touka sat up on her knees and met her best friend's eyes straight on, “Are you- do you need anything else?” Touka bit her lip without thinking. What if Yoriko said, ‘ _yes_ ’?

 

A moment went by, and Yoriko realized too late that she’d been leaning over the table as if to close the distance between them. She sat straight up, a hand going to her forehead as a dizzy spell swept over her. A smile bloomed from her lips and her eyes brightened with a new clarity, “No, I don’t need anything else.”

 

**Author's Note:**

> I hope this was to your liking. Thank you for reading!  
> -Special thanks to optimustaud for beta'ing!-


End file.
